


Alone

by Chelou_mecs_in_love



Series: one shots [5]
Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Comfort, Emotional, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt, M/M, Memories, Sad, Shelter, bases on canon, elu - Freeform, la petite ceinture, thinking back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-27 14:26:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19014733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chelou_mecs_in_love/pseuds/Chelou_mecs_in_love
Summary: He didn’t want to burden anyone or hurt them or make them worried. So he just stayed away. People didn’t want him anyway. Idriss and Sofiane didn’t want him, Lucas didn’t want him, his parents probably didn’t even want him. He was just a burden so it would be easier to stay away.





	Alone

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah.. Imane mentioning Eliott has been alone for a long time kind of killed me.. And then this happened 😞

He did it again. He pushed people away when things got bad. That’s what he does and that’s what he’s always done. First with Idriss and Sofiane and now with Lucas. He didn’t want to burden anyone or hurt them or make them worried. So he just stayed away. People didn’t want him anyway. Idriss and Sofiane didn’t want him, Lucas didn’t want him, his parents probably didn’t even want him. He was just a burden so it would be easier to stay away. To not ask for help. They didn’t know what to do anyway. He didn’t even know what to do. How to help himself, what he needed.

He felt so alone. This was how it always would be. Alone in his shelter. Alone in the dark. No one would care anyway. Lucas had looked like he cared, but Lucille told Eliott he didn’t care. That he ran away the moment she had told him he was bipolar. That he didn’t want to come with her, didn’t want to see Eliott. And that broke him more than he would like to admit.

Even Lucille stayed away in the beginning of their relationship when it became too much. Telling him to figure himself out before calling her again. And who could blame her really? He was too much. People just didn’t care anymore. And that was okay. He wouldn’t care about himself either after everything he had done. He had built up his walls so fast after Idriss pushed him away. Built them up so high, not a ray of sunshine could come in.

And then he met Lucas. His wonderful hedgehog. He had been so happy, he had finally let someone in again, had allowed himself to feel loved and cherished. But then Lucas said he didn’t need mentally ill people in his life and his world came crashing down, while the walls came back up. Even higher than before. The words on repeat in his head: “I don’t need mentally ill people in my life. I don’t need mentally ill people in my life. I don’t need mentally ill people in my life.”

He had cried himself to sleep that night, not knowing what to do. He felt so happy when he was with Lucas. Like he could finally be himself again, like nothing could bring him down. Like he was good enough. Like maybe someone could love him, could care about him, wanted to be with him. He had to keep himself away from the boy. He had to protect Lucas. He didn’t need him, he didn’t want him, not with him being bipolar.

Because he was so used to doing it, he had called Lucille. He hadn’t talked to her since he told her about what had happened after the double date and it was a little awkward, but she was always there for him. He knew she would come when he asked her and she did. They didn’t talk, they just comforted each other. Lucille didn’t want to ask the questions and Eliott didn’t want to answer them.

The next two weeks had been a whirlwind. He went to a party with Lucille to take his mind of things. Afterwards he talked everything out with her and even though she was reluctant, they decided to break up. But Lucille would still be there when he needed her and he would also still be there for her. Even though it might take some time for them to really get to that point.

All he could think about was Lucas, about what he said and about how Eliott pushed him away for his own good, but still couldn’t help to reach out. Still wanting to talk to the boy, wanting to see and hear him smile. He just wanted to make Lucas happy, even though he knew he should stay away.

Lucas never send him a message about his drawings, never let Eliott know he found them or even looked at them. He felt so powerless. Didn’t know what else to do but to stare at the boy every time he walked across the schoolyard. He could see Lucas wasn’t doing okay, but he didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know how to be with him, but he also didn’t know how to stay away.

And then the unthinkable happened. He was just on his way back from school when Lucas reached out to him. Telling him to stop playing with him if he wasn’t serious. Telling him to stop sending drawings. Eliott's heart jumped and he just stopped walking in the middle of the street, texting Lucas that he wanted to talk to him. He ran all the way back to school.

The week after that was the best week of his life. He felt so loved and cared for and like nothing could break them. Lucas was there, every day. Introducing him as his boyfriend, kissing him in public, not caring about anything. In the back of his mind Eliott knew he should tell Lucas about the fact that he was bipolar, but he couldn’t. Not yet. Not when everything just started to be good again. And then it was too late. Then his episode happened and he scared Lucas away, again.

He didn’t even know how long he sat at his shelter. At the only place he felt safe. The only thing he knew was that tears kept streaming down his face. He had shut off his phone, because no one cared anyway, so why should he keep it on? It’s not like people would message him or go looking for him or something. Not like anyone would even know where he was. The only one who would know didn’t care. And why should he?

It’s not like Eliott could make Lucas happy. He would just push him away, hurt him again, make him suffer. It’s not like Lucas even wanted him at this point. The words Lucille said were burned in his brain “He doesn’t want you. He didn’t even want to come when I told him the police found you. He doesn’t care”.

The words had hurt so much. Maybe even more than the words Lucas spoke to him all those weeks ago. He knew people didn’t want him, but to hear it out loud hurt even more.

He still felt so alone, so worthless. He desperately wanted to reach out to Lucas, but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t do that to him. Couldn’t ask him to care about him, why would he? Lucas didn’t want mentally ill people in his life, so he would stay away. He didn’t want to be a burden to him. Didn’t want to... he didn’t even know what he didn’t want to happen. He just didn’t know… all he knew was that he was so alone right now.

From a distance he could hear someone yelling. He didn’t know who it was or what it was about and he didn’t even care. He was still crouched down, curled up into a ball with tears streaming down his face. He didn’t look up when he saw a flash of light. He couldn’t. He didn’t want anyone to see him like this. He heard someone yelling out his name, but it didn’t matter. It probably wasn’t even real.

And then someone was right in front of him. He looked up a little bit and seeing Lucas made him cry even harder. He had to look down again, not being able to look that sweet boy in the eyes. He couldn’t. The first words Lucas spoke felt too loud, too heavy: “T’es pas tout seul”. But he was. Eliott was alone. He just had to hide himself better, get away from Lucas. Lucas didn’t want him.

He felt a hand on his chin, tilting his head up. He still couldn’t really look at the boy in front of him, even though he really wanted to. Tears were still streaming down his face, he was still crying, but Lucas made him look up, connecting their eyes. “Je suis là”, he told him. Was he? Was he really here? This wasn’t a dream? Eliott started to cry even harder. Not knowing what to do.

They kept looking at each other, touching their foreheads, finding comfort in the now familiar way of connection to each other. Just wanting to feel the other one without it being too overwhelming. Without it being too much. And then he said it again. This boy, who didn’t want mentally ill people in his life, said the words that Eliott had wanted to hear all his life:

**“T’es plus tout seul”**.


End file.
